June 2026 Horoscopes

In June, I want you to get flexible with your cravings. Your cravings remind you of what you have forgotten. Sometimes, they'll remind you of what you already know.

Saturn in the Tenth House

A lot of Saturn in the tenth house people, in my experience, can be pretty guarded. They tend to have an almost regal energy, the attitude of someone who thinks twice before they act. These are people who taught themselves how to be tough.

Saturn in the Twelfth House

The twelfth house is the place of secret fears, of phobias that you didn't even know you were avoiding, and of sorrows that you never gave yourself the chance to lament. The twelfth house is considered to be the place of Saturn's joy. That means that Saturn gets stronger here.

Capricorn Midheaven

The Capricorn midheaven isn't showy. They source their self assuredness from the simple knowledge that they can figure out a way to survive just about anything. They don't go out of their way to prove their strength because doing so, in their mind, is a waste of energy.

Scorpio Pisces Relationships

Scorpio, as the truth-hound of the zodiac, is like a detective chasing after evidence. Pisces has the power to confound this truth-hound because Pisces can change the truth. Both are fascinated by mystery but Pisces is entertained it while Scorpio unravels it.

May 2026 Horoscopes

May's astrology moves in phases: first, Mercury aspects Uranus and provokes us into satirizing what we have become accustomed to. Then, the Sun delivers an epiphany. Aside from Pluto which will retrograde in May, all other planets are moving reasonable quickly.

Saturn in the Eleventh House

Saturn in the eleventh house gives off a bit of an unbothered vibe. In a typical day-in-the-life-of, Saturn in the eleventh house doesn't really want to be bothered. A perfect day for them involves complete peace. No phone, no messages, no calls—just them on their own meditating to a good book or in nature.

Jia Wood Born in the Month of the Dragon

People with Jia Wood day master born in the month of the Dragon need one thing and one thing only—Seven Killings. They must become warriors. They must develop drive and purpose and all the stuff that one usually needs to go through hardship to find.

Sagittarius Pisces Relationships

I do think that the positive aspects of Sagittarius and Pisces relationships outweigh the friction of miscommunication. These people could be married for ten years while having absolutely no idea where their partner lives. But they believe in their partner. They don't feel the need to keep track.

April 2026 Horoscopes

During Jupiter in Cancer, gambling has once again become a lot more popular. So have the ideologies that are usually used to promote gambling: abstract visions of social collapse, apocalyptic thinking, and speculative currencies. This is grievance masked as insight, as ideology.

Jia Wood Born in the Month of the Rabbit

For Jia Wood, Rabbit is Sword Star. Sword Star is, for all extents and purposes, a doubled edged blade. You can hold your own Sword Star like a strong fighter. Your Sword Star can also cut you and you have to be strong enough to endure the pain.

Roommates in the Natal Chart

You need something like a phD in psychology to understand roommate dynamics. These are full adults, each fully formed, sharing a home without the expectation that you're going to plan your futures together. Your roommates bring up all your family stuff but they're also not your family.

Jia Wood Born in the Month of the Tiger

Jia Wood born during the month of the Tiger are cultural icons. Charismatic, opinionated, and flamboyant, these people have style. They can't help but stand out.

Capricorn Pisces Relationships

Capricorn is a mermaid and Pisces is a fish. Pisces has a way of drawing out Capricorn’s wisdom. You see, Capricorn is the wise, old man with a childish heart while Pisces is the childlike one with an old heart.

Saturn in the Ninth House

When Saturn appears in the ninth house of your chart, you're probably a pretty great teacher. You have the qualities that make someone great at teaching—patience, dedication, and endurance.

Death Cults

Actual soldiers are being told by their commanders that they must not fear death, that this war is Armageddon, and that Trump has been anointed by Jesus Christ to bring about the Biblical end times.

March 2026 Horoscopes

This March will be the first time, since 1998, that we will feel the full force of Saturn being in Aries. Why do I say that? Because this March will be the first time, since the spring of 1998, that we see the Sun come to join Saturn in the sign of fast decisions and speed.

Sagittarius Midheaven

I think that teaching works well for Sagittarius midheaven people because we are so delusional that we believe in potential in people even when we can’t see it yet. We are not trying to see the world for how it functions right now. We’re trying to see what it could become.

Aquarius Pisces Relationships

Objectively speaking, I think that Pisces is the sign that we should all fear the most. Why? Because Pisces can predict not how you feel today or how you felt yesterday but how you will feel tomorrow. Aquarius happens to be the sign that doesn’t always know how they feel.

The Aries Coworker

The Aries coworker completes big projects in an hour or two with surging blood pressure, vape or cigarette in mouth, and heavy metal blaring in our headphones. We complete projects only reasonably well. It’s not going to be perfect. Some mistakes were made.

The Taurus Coworker

Yes, your Taurus coworker knows the difference between a FSA and a HSA. They have figured out how many vacation days will not roll over into the next year and they can calculate how much taxes to take out in their heads. They know how to reimburse expenses and they will help you do it if you are troubled by the process.