There’s something about detriment Venus people that just can’t conform to any social role that they feel they might be expected to play. It freaks them out. It makes them think, “well if this person expects me to be like this, then what the hell happens when I disappoint?”

And then Venus in detriment does the thing that they feel will make the other person the most mad.

There’s a line about Venus in Aries, about how it’s such a common problem for Venus in Aries to like people who don’t like them but to not like people who like them. This has less to do with the usual ideas of desirability politics, I think, and more to do with a detriment Venus’s fear of relationship incompetence.

Sometimes, we choose people who don’t like us very much because we are more comfortable when we have nothing to lose. We can’t disappoint someone who doesn’t expect anything from us in the first place. We can even feel a sense of relief when that person chooses to leave us, feeling more comfortable in rejection than in acceptance.

Venus in detriment is a Venus that feels like it has to prove its own acceptance. It’s a Venus that doesn’t feel normal. It doesn’t feel like it can be in a normal relationship living a normal life. It’s a Venus that feels like it has something to hide—and that something that Venus hides is the self.

Venus in detriment doesn’t eat sweet things when they are available. They are unused to accepting sweetness. Venus in Aries flings the sweet thing back at the world. Venus in Scorpio lets the sweet thing sit around until it rots. Venus in detriment doesn’t know how to accept gifts or compliments. It’s a Venus that fumbles when expected to be graceful.

All Venus in detriments expect a certain amount of rejection but different detriment Venuses deal with this anticipation differently. Scorpio Venus might clamp down or withdraw. Aries Venus is a little better at hiding its emotions and it tends to show off when it feels insecure.

Venus in detriment is not satisfied with the models of love and mutual dependence that we have available. It seeks to challenge relationships as much as it desires belonging. It is only comfortable in relationships that change.

Younger detriment Venus people have intense anxiety over whether they’re doing things the right way or whether they’re not normal. They might carefully observe their surroundings, trying to figure out how it is that everyone else just seems to be able to find their role. This is because detriment Venus people have this unsettling feeling that they’re not supposed to be in the places that they are in. They have a feeling that the self other people see is not an accurate self.

Venus in detriment grows up when it stops trying to define normality. It is impossible for Venus in detriment people to settle into expectations but it is possible for Venus in detriment people to accept themselves.

Venus in detriment is jealous and competitive (domicile Venuses are more envious than jealous). This is because detriment Venus sees the self as a threat to their relationships while domicile Venus sees relationships as a threat to themselves. It’s not that Venus in detriment doesn’t trust their partner, it’s that they don’t trust their own ability to be the person who they think their partners need them to be. Venus in detriment can only thrive when it is allowed to be authentic over dutiful.

This is not a Venus that stays the same person. Venus in detriment becomes a new person over the course of any long relationship and they expect that their partners change along with them. They are not entirely happy unless they see that their partners change with them. They do not like it when relationships make two people stay the same. This scares them.

There is no detriment Venus that is willing to lay around and wait for people to notice them. This is not a Venus that does its job, which is laying around looking beautiful, well. This is a hunter’s Venus—a Venus that stalks, preys, and takes.

For most Venus in detriment, their desires are not socially correct. Venus in Scorpio wants to own and to possess. Venus in Aries wants to wreck and to ruin. Desire is expressed, sometimes, violently. This has nothing to do with abuse, which is a pattern of non consensual dominance. Venus in detriment is kinky but not prone to abuse any more than any other Venus placement.

But Venus in detriment has powerful desires. Desire often feels too much, like it takes over someone’s entire being. Venus in detriment becomes insatiable with desire. This is not a full Venus that samples desserts, trusting that things will be as plentiful today as they are tomorrow. This is a hungry Venus that thinks that what is not eaten today will come back to eat it tomorrow.