April is about love that is neither performative nor secret.

Imagine this: a room, closed off from the world forever. No light, no air, and no sound. The only thing that can grow in this room is mold. Mold clings to the ceilings, to the walls, and huddles in the corners. The mold smells sickly sweet. It’s alive, enveloped, and spawls by creating its own ecosystem.

This room represents your body, containing all of the memories of the things that you have yet to recognize in yourself.

This room is the fantastical, worldbuilding energy of fixed signs. Fixed signs, enwrapped in their own enclosures, develop sovereignty through self sustainability.

Have you ever walked through a forest? Forests, too, are rooms. Forests are independent ecosystems where moss, mushroom, vine, and tree entangle together to create an impenetrable wall. These walls are defensive and they’re sturdy but they are also moving and alive.

April marks the end of exaltation season—that time of the year when the world seems to sigh in relief at the end of a long winter. After the relief of days growing longer, everything starts to get very, very wet.

Flowers look different in the rain. The air smells different. The sky sounds different. Living things move differently.

There’s tension in the fixed signs, in Taurus season. Taurus season is our yearly full moon in the sign of the Moon’s fall. This Taurus season, the ruler of that Scorpio full moon, happens to be Mars also in its sign of fall in Cancer.

Fallen planets are quiet planets. They’re enclosed planets—planets that neatly tuck themselves away because they do not need to make themselves known in order to do what they are here to do. Fallen planets are planets that do not glorify but seek sanctuary in privacy.

And whew! This fixed t-square, with domicile Venus and that Scorpio full moon and Saturn and Jupiter in Aquarius. All that’s missing, to complete the fixed grand cross, is Leo isn’t it? T-squares put a lot of pressure on the missing element.

April is about quiet attention and focus. April is about love that is neither performative nor secret. April is about treating your solace not as a giant pressure cooker but as something that feeds every component of its own peace with things that someone else may find inconsequential.

Aries

You don’t need to reveal your fear of scarcity with everyone in the world. These fears, which are ancestral and deep, may not make sense to anyone who does not share your lived experience. You do not need so much transparency that you are overexplaining and begging others to see that you, too, deserve to survive and to exist. No one is able to justify your survival for you other than yourself.

Stop begging other people to understand and to justify your life. You exist and you are here today—this fact is unchangeable. Your impulse to explain your existence will not lead to any new lessons. Your impulse to explain your existence is only a trauma response and trauma responses can be healed when they are recognized.

Taurus

You don’t need to explain your beauty to anyone who chooses not to see it. You don’t need to twist yourself into painful contortions in an effort to impress eyes that aren’t ready to see you and may actually be imagined. You don’t need to justify how you earned beauty or explain how you lost it—these narratives aren’t real. You are here and, so, you are beautiful.

You have beauty because you have senses. Forget about the western emphasis on sight—use all of your senses to experience your beauty. What does your beauty smell, taste, sound, and feel like? Your beauty is not a problem that can be solved but an experience that is stumbled upon.

Gemini

You don’t have to tell anyone about your fears. You don’t have to share. You don’t actually need everyone and their mother to understand what you are afraid of before you are able to recognize that ghost in the periphery. This is because you, of all people, are strong enough to see your threats even if they don’t make sense to other people.

Recognizing your fears is not easy. It’s a long, drawn out process of remembering your past emotions and the patterns that trapped them. Recognizing your fears takes a lot of honesty, which you have when you find that you are not responsible for answering your phone for anyone and everyone.

Cancer

There’s something about your idea of love that is changing. That idea of who you have to become in order to be a loving and caring person is not a real person but an image that is generated by insecurity. This idea of a person is getting in the way of you actually understanding just what it is that you bring to your communities.

Get rid of the nurturing mothers, the obedient daughters, the overworked aunties, and the burned out community organizers. These visions of strong femme labor make you feel like you are less than. You are already enough and you do not have to become an idea of what you want to do in order to commit to love and action.

Leo

All those insecurities you have about your career? You don’t have to explain them to anyone. You’re not defined by what you can achieve and, so, you don’t have to explain why it is that you didn’t achieve the same things as someone else. No one is expecting you to accomplish the things that you think they expect you to accomplish.

Accept that your insecurities were not maintained by anyone but yourself. Accept that the maintenance of these anxieties makes you very, very tired. When you accept this, then you can finally start to accept that your successes are not accidents in the night but fierce recognitions of your own purpose and will in the world.

Virgo

Accept that not everyone who you move in solidarity with will think that you are right. Accept that, for movement to feel authentic, that owning your truth means accepting that actions sometimes comes before revelation. The idea that you have to intellectually understand something before you turn it into action is both frustrating and western. Often, healing means that you change a pattern first before you are able to identify it at all.

Protecting your thoughts doesn’t mean not speaking when you know it will benefit the movement. It means practicing observation over criticality. It means understanding that ideas sometimes do not change the world but that, often, the world changes ideas.

Libra

Don’t be so afraid of owing someone something. You were put here to live free and to be in debt to the land, to people, and to the ghosts. You are valued as a debt holder because debt is evidence of deep relationship.

What can you rely on other people for now that you understand that you are capable of choosing what emotions you want to react to? Now that you know yourself to be someone who is accountable and honest when you feel safe? What have you learned about what it takes to cultivate an absence of guilt?

Scorpio

You really don’t have to explain why it is that you are in relationship to someone or something as though everyone has their eyes on you and are judging you for associating with things outside of your control. This is because your relationships don’t define you but also because your relationships change when you recognize your own changes.

Celebrate the long relationships, the deep ones, the ones that don’t make sense on paper but all the sense in the world in spirit. Your best friends are the friends who you are able to forget about now and then because you don’t let insecurity define the question of whether or not you are valuable.

Sagittarius

Try this—do the same things every morning and every evening. Take some time to stretch your lower back and to drink water before putting caffeine into your system. Poop everyday. Go to bed at the same time. Do the things that don’t need to be talked about to everyone, the things that make up life.

You don’t actually need to prove to anyone that you are valuable or that you earn your time here on Earth. You are free to do whatever it is you like with your time and, because of this, these mundane things can feel like freedom. Say no to things that feel like wastes of time. Waste time in your own way.

Capricorn

You don’t have to explain your pleasure to anyone. You don’t have to justify it and you don’t have to figure out how to feel pleasure around the same things as everyone else. All that shame you are used to experiencing around pleasure is really just fear around having a body. Guess what! You have a body and you are here to exist.

Do things that make you feel good and don’t tell anyone about them. Don’t post on social media and don’t invite your friends. Make pleasure your thing that you are responsible for giving to yourself. Eat it, hit it, and sleep in it.

Aquarius

The only person who is in charge of telling you what you need in order to thrive is yourself. How you set up your home is no one’s business but yours. If you want to cover all of your floors with a thin sheet of mattress so that you can roll around wherever you are, that’s up to you. There’s no rules about what it takes to make you feel at home.

Your home is not a workspace, a social space, or a container for emotions though it functions as all of these things. Your home is a place that is just for you. Find privacy at home and ask anyone who wants to come in to knock and to wait for an answer before entering.

Pisces

How much information you want to consume and how much attention you give to certain things is no one’s business but your own. You are able to define your perception and that’s a gift of freedom that you can’t lose no matter how much shame you anticipate over not paying attention to the right things. Your ownership over your attention is precious and also perilous.

Pay attention to what you pay attention to. Delete social media apps from your phone. Journal every morning before you get online. Stop responding to text messages in the moment and tell everyone that you will get back to them when you are ready to get back to them.