It’s almost my own solar return. Having a birthday is always a point of stress. You’re getting one year older, on paper, but it’s really just another day in the world. You’re supposed to host all of your friends and act really happy but, sometimes, you’re overworked, you don’t have any time, and you really don’t feel like putting in the effort to center yourself out of all things.

Or, at least that’s how I’ve felt. There’s a lot of social pressure and social anxiety during birthdays. And of course there is—the Sun is the king. It’s hard to celebrate when you may not feel like a king.

Solar returns are really just about you and what you want. They’re not about other people and they’re not about performing joy. Solar returns are moments in which you consider the idea that your desires are valid enough to move you through life—they’re moments in which you find the courage to believe that desire can create a future.

A lot of people drink on their solar returns. I don’t believe in that mostly because I don’t drink at all but also because I believe that solar returns are unique moments when you can manifest the things that you want for the next year. I don’t believe in setting intentions drunk. My worst, most muddy years have started with a drunk solar return.

If you feel like you have to drink in celebration, then do it not on your actual birthday. Do it on the weekend after or the weekend before. Do a fake birthday that you share with people but leave your real solar return precious.

Treat the things that you do on the day of your solar return symbolically. Remember—this is a day during which you celebrate the want over the should. If you want to rest more in the next year, then take a nap. If you want to make more money, ask to get paid on that day. If you want more pleasure, then feed yourself well.

Don’t see anyone who you don’t want to see for the next year during the actual day of your solar return. Again, you can have a fake solar return birthday celebration with all those colleagues or acquaintances you don’t have heart connections with but your real birthday? That’s for you.

I’m a firm believer in spending some solar returns alone especially if you are trying to heal codependent tendencies and gain more control over your time and boundaries. I’m also a firm believer in spending your solar return with people if you are finding that you are consistently prioritizing your self control over your relationships.

There isn’t any right way to spend your solar return, which means that you don’t have to spend it in a bar and you don’t have to throw an expensive party. There have been several years during which I made sure that I spent no money on my solar return because I wanted to set the intention of saving money.

To really celebrate a solar return, you have to do the work of understanding what it is that you want. This is a joyous question, so treat it with joy! It’s not everyday that this question of desire becomes the most important question in your day. In the last couple years, I’ve made sure to schedule book releases on my solar return. This is because I want to write and I want people to read my writing.

The magic of a solar return is that you are asked to clear and actively do something for yourself—to make your desires so clear to yourself that you are able to create a ritual that shows the world that you hope for the thing that you want.

This is a scary thing and it is a dangerous thing! Your pleasure actively challenges the world. It is so much easier to think that you don’t have time for yourself and to do a template like birthday. But doing this does a disservice to your creativity.

You’re creative—prove it to yourself. Your creativity makes your desires clear. Replant a plant if you’re thinking of moving. Have an orgasm if you want more pleasure. Burn a cord if you want to cut one. Book a photoshoot for yourself if you want to remember how hot you are. You can do anything that you want on your birthday—the last thing that you want is to just let things happen as they are.