The Astrology Of (Select) Cats

Oct. 8, 2018, 1:31 p.m.

The first cat I ever had was a Cancer. My god, he was the biggest cat I've ever seen. This cat was a literal vacuum cleaner. You know those automatic cat feeders? Well, we couldn't use one because he would just suck up all the food at once.



Basically, he was a little bitch. The cat had to be up against another person at all times. He would follow you from room to room to sit on you. Open a book and there he was. He didn't even like my dad that much, and he would still cuddle with him after everyone else went to bed. This cat couldn't stand being alone.

This Cancer cat was afraid of everything. Afraid of hamsters, going outside, and going in the car. He was chased around by a hamster once. A regular response to any sort of stimuli was all his hair standing on end, and him running away and hiding. He had his regular hiding spots. Basically, he only liked three places in the house.

This emo cat was also deliberately passive aggressive at times and never forgot anything. Once I pranked it and was never able to prank it ever again. But he didn't act mad, just sad that I would do something like that to him. He would try to prank us too, like sitting by a plant that he knew he wasn't supposed to touch, waiting until one of us saw him there, then prodding the plant suddenly very fast with one paw, and running for it.


My parents got another cat after I moved out and boy was it a mistake. Born in November, this cat is definitely a Scorpio.

This cat will hold a grudge for days. It will stay secretly and quietly angry at you for the smallest slights, like looking at it too long or running into it on the stairs by accident. It will wait until you've forgotten that you have beef with the cat and attack you when you're least expecting it on your tenderest bits. It favors attacking your crotch.



The cat has territory and property. It doesn't mind being left alone in the basement for a long period of time, as long as you never ever touch its collection of disgustingly dirty stuffed animals that it leaves around the house. If you ever accidentally move one of the stuffed animals, prepare to get attacked at some point. We all know to never touch the stuffed animals.

That being said, this cat is an excellent hunter. While our Cancer cat only managed to kill one fly once, this cat is responsible for the deaths of many types of vermin. Also, while the Cancer cat was soft and squishy, this Scorpio cat is pure muscle.


I had the pleasure of having two cats as roommates, an Aries and an Aquarius.



The Aries cat was there first. She definitely believes herself to be the alpha cat. However, the Aquarius cat honors no such labels and this severely fucks with the Aries cat.

The Aries cat will never ask for attention, despite obviously desperately craving it. She will enjoy the attention, snark a bit, then watch you in the other corner of the room seeing if you'll go after her. If you, god forbid, show the other cat any sort of affection during this time, she will openly snub you.

She only feels truly comfortable in one room in the house, which is where the Aquarius cat doesn't really go to, and she would just stay in there forever.

The Aquarius cat pretended to not give a shit about the social dynamics in the house, but willfully disobeyed them loudly and clearly. She would do thing like piss in the Aries cat's litter box, while maintaining full on eye contact with the Aries the entire piss.

Basically, the Aquarius cat is hard to describe except in that she made no sense as a cat. She's like a fake cat, or something pretending to be a cat but not really knowing how. Many of her mannerisms seemed fully human. She would do things like drape herself, including head, on the arm of a chair like a wet rag or sleep with her face completely flat against a surface. Her positions were strange and she never spoke. Someone apparently once remarked that the cat perhaps has Aspergers.



While the Aries would probably survive as a feral cat, the Aquarius was definitely fully dependent on human care. The Aries cat wasn't brawny, but small and agile. The Aquarius was weird and floppy.


I got to meet another cat, a Leo, recently. Now, I never lived with this cat intimately. I've only visited him a few times, so you can say that I only really know his show persona.



When I said hello to him, he meowed hello back immediately. This was a super responsive cat. Not only did he want you to touch him, he also showed you exactly where and how he wanted to be pet. Touch him on the head and he would thrust his chin at you until your hand was at the bottom of his chin and his face would become one of intense pleasure.

He had a lot of love to give, but he gave it indiscriminately to everyone. Unlike my Cancer cat, who would only want love from people he knew, this cat appreciated it from whoever.

He also understood his good angles. When he caught you looking at him, he would flip on his back and bat his paws playfully in the air. After a few minutes with him, I was understandably gushing. What a cute cat. The human who lived with him, though, seemed a lot less overwhelmed. She said that he is pretty high maintenance.


So, that's all the cats that I've really got to know over the years. I also lived briefly with a Gemini cat that would stand on its hind legs and meow like it was speaking. I haven't gotten the chance to experience cats of all the signs yet and I have no idea what the Moon signs or risings of any of these cats are.

What are your experiences of different cats of each sign? Did you know their Moons or risings?

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