In any astrological consultation, there are two realities: there is the mundane reality of the astrologer and the client being two people who are talking and the reality of being possessed by meaning. Most of the time, people have some experience with this reality of sitting and talking with another person. Not always but most of the time. This means that there are strategies and mannerisms that both you and client might already feel confident in for you in the mundane reality. The client might understand that being in a conversation with someone that they have chosen means that they can also control the conversation and leave anytime.
There is also another reality in a client session—a meaningful reality. This reality is different from the reality of the client choosing to come talk with another person who just happens to be an astrologer. This reality can sometimes feel like something has brought the client to you. It can feel like the client wants to resolve something or that they are looking for something. This is a reality where people feel possessed by meaning.
The astrologer might share the meaningful reality with the client. More likely, they are likely to have conflicts with it. That is fine. The meaningful reality is something that you must uncover together during a session and, usually, we uncover things through conflicts.
Most of the work of holding astrological space for another person means that you are switching between these two realities. You are not getting trapped in one. You are not relying on one. You are switching between the two in a purposeful way.
The mundane reality of two people talking together is intellectual. An intellectual reality is one where you rehash or elaborate pre-existing ideas together. It is useful but it doesn’t generate new meaning. Practicing client work has the potential of generating new meaning together because it is social. In fact, if you don’t generate new meaning with a client and rely on intellectualizing you are more likely to burn out in the long term. On the client side, unnecessary intellectualizing can make a client feel like they didn’t get enough attention during the session with you or like either one of you talked too much. Intellectualizing can feel a lot safer and more casual. It allows people to put their masks back on.
Meaningful reality is also a possessed reality. A client who feels like they were brought to you to find significance can also feel possessed with meaning. They might feel possessed by a symbol, trapped in an emotion or in defense of one, or beguiled by signs. A client can momentarily forget that they chose the conversation and that they can leave anytime when in meaningful reality. There is a feeling of being brought somewhere by something. The astrologer might also forget this and feel overly responsible for the client’s emotions. Spending too unnecessary time in meaningful reality can make a session feel overwhelming or out of control for both people. Being possessed by meaning also allows you to make new discoveries. It allows the client to feel seen.
So, you switch between the two.
Moving into and maintaining meaningful reality requires that the client focus on their internal reality. It also requires that the astrologer’s attention be focused on the client. You might feel physical sensations alongside your client as they describe their inner reality.
Sustaining meaningful reality is actually pretty counterintuitive. Meaningful reality responds to mirrors and to companionship and not to oppositions. Let me explain what I mean.
When your client describes a part of their inner reality, you might mirror that reality back to them using the exact same words they used. Even when you’re not sure of where the client is yet or if your inner reality feels that the word isn’t right—use the exact same imagery and words your client used. What you are doing is you are minimizing your own perception so that your client’s imagination can expand. Most of the time, people don’t even notice that you are using the same words back and, if they do, it's okay. You’re telling them, by mirroring them exactly, that you are a mirror and not a judge.
This is also about being positioned alongside your client and not facing them. When you want to maintain meaningful, possessed, or internally focused reality for your client—don’t ask questions. Make statements. Turn your questions into statements. This is something I learned from focusing work. Questions bring your client into conversation or confrontation with you. Statements position you alongside them and not in front of them.
Compare: “Why are you angry?” with “You might ask your anger what it’s trying to do for you.”
Put yourself in your client’s shoes. The first question makes the client look at you. They suddenly start to think about how to describe or justify their anger in a way to make you understand. They might worry that you will judge them. The second statement is about the client’s own relationship with their anger. There is no need to justify their reality to you or to explain the situation. You are with them in the exploration and not in front of them.
When you want to pull the session from a meaning seeking state into mundane reality, you can usually do it just by asking a direct question. “How was that for you?” “Is that your only sister, by the way?” “Hey, does Venus have anything to say about this?” Now, the client’s focus is away from themselves and back on the conversation between the two of you. They are aware of you who is asking a question of them. They are aware that they are engaging with you.
Let’s say that a client is showing signs of overwhelm. Ask a direct question. Bring them back into conversation with you. Make your presence known. Hopefully, you have established enough casual comfort in conversation for this to be helpful. Always start a client in mundane reality, as just two people talking. There is a thing as trying to look for meaning too soon. I have done this in overeagerness.
Sometimes, you can go back over what you just went over in a possessed or meaningful state in an intellectual or conversational state. You will find that the meaning of things change between the two states. Your client will notice these differences. It might mean something to them.
Sometimes, you want to maintain the mundane reality of conversation. You want to intellectualize. For example, take this scenario which may feel common that I just made up: you have a client who comes to you during their Saturn return who wants to integrate their hatred and avoidance of a parent into love for that parent and for themselves as an adult. The client’s defenses do not allow either of you to engage their hatred but the hatred pushes back when it feels ignored. You quickly get into an argumentative state. The client accuses you of judging them or not emphasizing with them and their defenses seem to be afraid that you will take a side and try to push you into doing this exact thing.
Sit back. You are not a therapist. You’re not engaged in long term work with this client. It is still possible for you to respect their defenses and also their full humanity as an astrologer.
Intellectualize. Tell the story of Saturn and Jupiter, about how Saturn was Jupiter’s father and tried to swallow Jupiter and about how his own father tried to do the same to him. Tell them that Jupiter killed Saturn in the same way Saturn killed his father, Uranus. Ask them what they think about the story. Analyze with them.
The attention is no longer on the client. The attention is on the story. You have just shown that you respect your client’s defenses and that you will not try to minimize the valuable work that these defenses do for your client for the sake of a 90 minute interaction.
When you intellectualize with a client, you might not create new meaning together during the session itself. It will most likely happen after the session with you is over when the client’s defenses allow them to go into their inner world without your presence. That’s okay. It is most important for a client to be with themselves without you around. The story and the conversation with you is still valuable because it becomes part of what they do with themselves.
How do you know when to move between the two realities in a client session as an astrologer? This will depend on both your client’s and your consent. Yes, that’s right. You, the astrologer, are also part of the session. Your emotions also matter.
Ask your client about their boundaries with you before you begin. Ask them whether they had trouble communicating any boundaries after the session. Explain what you are doing and why you might do it. Boundaries can be verbal, can take the form of expectations, can take time to learn, and can cause conflicts. You can also reflect on your own boundaries with your clients.
Both mundane and meaningful reality can be scary for different reasons. Meaningful reality can feel scary because meaning won’t let itself be controlled. We are afraid of our own projections and madness. Meaning creates change and we are uncertain about change. We are afraid of divination. Mundane reality can be scary because we are afraid of judgment. Both the client and astrologer are usually concerned about what the other thinks about us and also with the success of the session itself.
As the astrologer, you are responsible for knowing when you are overwhelmed or stressed. You might ask the client to be responsible for their boundaries with you during a session. Being responsible for your boundaries can make you feel more empowered in showing up. You might practice awareness of the verbal and nonverbal signals that a client gives you. This is different from trying to read them or pretending that you can read into their psyche.
Knowing the differences between the two realities and being able to shift between them has given me a lot more confidence during sessions. I don’t need to be comfortable all the time during a session but I need to be aware of my choices. The same goes for clients. Clients tell me all the time that they don’t need to or want to be comfortable during an entire session but they do need to know their own choices. It’s not comfort that matters. It’s consent. Astrology readings can be deeply confounding or even disturbing because meaning is confounding and disturbing. This can be a good thing as long as consent is built.
