I wanted to write this new series about how other people see each sign and compare that with the internal experience of people who have strong placements in the sign. Because it is Aquarius season at the time of writing, I guess I’ll start with Aquarius!

You know, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with Aquariuses this Aquarius season. Besides spending time with real Aquariuses, I’ve also watched the Paris Hilton documentary and the video where Jung Hoseok interviews his own persona j-hope.

This is interesting—when outside people interact with Aquarius superficially, we often feel as though we are encountering a person who Has Their Shit Together. This person seems well prepared for all scenarios and circumstances. This person seems stable enough to not react in big ways usually to upsets. Maybe it’s the calm and collected demeanor, their casualness. Maybe it’s the attempt to always sit with something and reason with it on their own pace regardless of someone else’s urgency. Maybe it’s the irony—the persona thing that happens when an Aquarius might feel a sense of exposure when constructing a persona and overlays a layer of irony over that otherwise too realistic persona to protect themselves in the self reveal of introducing themselves. The persona thing makes a lot of us feel as though Aquarius comes out into the world only after having done some planning about who they’re going to be and what they’re willing to do.

I don’t know if actual Aquariuses know that other people perceive them that way. I don’t think they feel as put together on the inside as they might seem to the casual observer.

This is something that I noticed in the Paris Hilton documentary. She kept talking about the persona she constructed for most of the movie and kept hinting at the why around the invention of the persona but she didn’t start with the backstory. She started with the mask. Then, in the last third of the movie it was like fireworks. She revealed all of the abuse that had been done to her. It was shocking but because abuse is so extraordinary but because, before that happened in the narrative of the documentary, it was all focused on the gap between the real Paris and the fake Paris.

I never prod with an Aquarius client. I move with the understanding that things will reveal themselves in time. I also move with the understanding that, just because a person seems put together, that doesn't mean they feel that way on the inside or operate that way.

There was this incredible talk that Sam Reynolds did on the essential dignities where he said that both detriment planets and planets in fall are exiled but that only planets in fall remember the exile. Planets in fall might feel regret over difference or exclusion and make something with that emotional connection to self. Aquarius Sun, which is a Sun in its detriment, might struggle to stitch the memories of their life together to create the cohesion of self narration. It might not even bring up the past or acknowledge when it feels what it feels.

That’s fine. It will happen. Aquarius Sun will still find honest self narration if that is what it wants to do. It just takes a little intention. Life narratives are also just narratives. They are subject to rupture, splinter, and breakage.

What I do find fascinating is this feeling of preparedness with Aquarius. I can meet an Aquarius at a moment when their life is in turmoil and feel as though they are fully functional. They might be incredibly functional. They show up to work and they get the job done. Aquariuses do tend to be workaholics. The thing that surprises me always about Aquarius is that I can’t always guess when something is wrong in their lives.

I knew an Aquarius Sun closely once. I remember that he was always making these detached, ironic statements about how white people read him through racial capitalism. The fact was that he was suffering but he didn’t express this suffering directly. He expressed it through detached jokes. I knew another Aquarius once who spent all of their time critiquing other people. I don’t think I ever got to know the extent of her self critique. My dad is an Aquarius rising. He can be completely stoic, looking completely fine, and burst into tears sobbing the next moment. This is the Aquarius placement that I’m closest to. He never talks about what is wrong, only practicalities.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t think everyone on the outside of an Aquarius reads their detachment as detachment. I think we sometimes see it as them just being fine. There are things about Aquarius that can be imperceptible to a casual observer.

One of the more surprising details of the Paris Hilton documentary was the fact that she wasn’t really an heiress. Her dad didn’t even inherit anything. The reason why it boggles my mind was that it made me think about her rich girl persona and, well—of course! She was like a cartoon idea of what a child might think a rich person looks like. Of course it was an act! Anyone could have revealed the story about her not really inheriting anything with just a little research but that was never the narrative around her when I was growing up in the early 2000s. The narrative was that she was a spoiled rich girl. The public believed a persona that was very obviously fake because we never really paid much attention to her. Her persona only held up because no one really paid much attention to her even though her image was everywhere.

There’s a reason why Aquarius has this I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-what-you-think-of-me energy.

One of the most understated aspects of Aquarius is its ability to deflect from attention. This is a very private sign. Not everything meets the eye. But I’m less interested in social attention here. I’m more interested in attention to self. I know that Aquarius is a sign that is not lacking in emotional maturity or sensitivity. I know that it’s a sign that is just as fully emotional as anything else, human or nonhuman alike. However, I think that it is a sign that spurns attention. This includes attention that they give to themselves.

An Aquarius might look like they are fine. They’re not doing fantastic but they’re still hanging in there. They might speak of life catastrophes in a muted and monotone voice, making you believe that they are fine and know what they are doing. They might make jokes, leading you to believe that they’ve overcome something with humor. They might be doing fantastically in their jobs, making you think that they’re indestructible. That’s the outside perception. Underneath all of that, an Aquarius might not be sure of what they are feeling yet. They might believe themselves to be fine when they are not.

On the inside, an Aquarius might be familiar with anxiety. This is a very easy emotion for Aquarius to access because anxiety is usually a covering up of emotions that we aren’t ready to feel yet. They might feel like they’re all over the place or moving from one thought to the next very fast. They might feel their own uncertainty acutely. And yet—from the outside, they might seem fine.

And so, that’s the dichotomy. Aquarius cares so much about moving forward while its emotions move super slowly. Aquarius feels this push and pull from the inside. From the outside, this isn’t readily apparent. Aquarius feels embarrassed when it is looked at. It is quite comfortable with little attention. It feels normal when it believes that it doesn’t care what you think. And yet, just like the rest of us, it grows when it is given love and attention.