Welcome to my Astro Advice Column! If you subscribe to my Astro-Kats or Star Kids Club groups you are able to ask me questions about astrology for this advice column.
Your posts about the Twelfth House and Signs You Should Not Date were a godsend. Brace yourself...I'm a Leo Rising, Scorp Sun, Cap Moon, Saturn in Pisces (7th house), Venus in Scorpio, and the aforementioned Mars in Leo. Relationships have always been difficult for me, which checks out because I consistently choose repression over vulnerability and strength over collaboration. Also my parents have a toxic relationship. I am 28 and have been with men who love me dearly, but inevitably leave me feeling emotionally drained and unseen. I felt this way with my Dad too, despite him being a loving parent -- we just relate in different ways. Will I ever find a relationship where I feel I'm getting out what I'm putting in? Or is this just the obstacle of Mars in the 12th house? I always end relationships because I'd rather go it alone than feel unseen by someone I love. I don't fear being alone -- sometimes I think cap moons are better single -- but I worry I've let my subconscious do the talking when I really just need to let go. What advice can you offer an ice cold Mars in Leo and also... do you think my Saturn Return will help ? Thank you so much !
—Mars in Leo in 12th House -- HELP
Hello Mars in Leo in the 12th House! I want to congratulate you, first of all, on your upcoming Saturn return. I also wanted to point out that, for the last three years, you’ve been going through a seventh house Saturn transit by whole sign houses (I know that you use quadrant houses and looking at proximity to your angles more but, still, the Saturn in Aquarius transit will impact you through topics of the seventh house).
I do think that Leo risings have been going through a lot relationally in the last few years. Not everyone but a lot of people. I’ve seen this too many times to discount it. I also do think that, during the Saturn return, you integrate all of the different sides of you that showed up throughout the last Saturn cycle. As Saturn returns for you in the next three years close to the angle of your descendent in your seventh house, I wonder what you might return to in order to move forward.
In your question, you mentioned your loving dad who relates to you in a different way than you relate to him. In your chart, your Sun and Venus are both in the fourth house. The fourth house, in astrology, happens to be the house of the father. Any planets that we have in the fourth house signify the relationship that we might have with our fathers.
I wonder if your ever changing relationship with your dad could be a significant part of your Saturn return. The reason why I wonder is because I’m making a guess based on your age that your lunar nodes are in the tenth and fourth houses in Taurus and Scorpio. Both the progressed Moon return and the nodal reversal tends to occur around the time that Saturn returns and they can give us a lot of information about our Saturns.
The reason why I point out the nodes and Saturn is because I want to make my way to Mars in your chart. I believe that Mars, in your chart, is a south nodal bender. Because of the timing of your question, because you are asking this question during your nodal reversal and not your Saturn return, I would guess that Mars being at the south bendings could be meaningful. I believe that this last summer, the summer of 2022, was a moment in time where Saturn transited your north nodal bendings at a degree where it could have really brought out the dynamic between your Mars and your lunar nodes.
South nodal benders are actually planets that we feel captivate us in an unique and totalizing way. Sometimes, they are planets that we feel completely spellbound by, planets that we bling to because we can’t imagine ourselves working without them fixed in place. Changing the expression of a south nodal bender always feels like an epiphany. South nodal benders do not change casually. We have to change our entire internal organizations in order to see them change.
It just so happens that Mars is also the planet that rules your fourth house. I wonder how your relationship with your dad has already shifted in the course of your growing and what it might feel like to acknowledge that this relationship will continue to change.
In your question, you mention your need for strength. With Mars as your south nodal bender, I wonder what strength does for you. I wonder what part of you requests that you choose it and what part of you feels that strength and collaboration must remain a choice. I wonder, because Mars is in Leo, whether it anticipates any humiliation. I wonder if it knows that you can survive humiliation and that you are perfectly capable of understanding the difference between your real humility and the fear of being humiliated outside of your own control.
Mars is at your south bendings. You find aloneness comfortable. That in and of itself is a great strength. I hope that you cherish that. I bet you have a ton of fun being alone. I’m impressed by you because you named that you prefer the company of your own solitude to relationships where you are not wholly seen. This is an impressive character trait. It shows me that you give yourself attention.
I wonder what it’s like when you ask for loving attention from other people. I think about what it feels like for me and I know that it can be a really scary and really humiliating experience. It’s embarrassing to want love and affection and to ask for it so blatantly! I always feel like I have to put on airs to do it, like I have to do it as someone other than myself. It’s an embarrassing thing to embody especially when I am in places where I need my ego to remain impenetrable like at work or with people I haven’t learned to trust yet.
I just went off in my own head about some of your placements. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m not privy to the details of your life and a lot of my thoughts are just projections and experiences that I have with the placements that you mention. I hope you find something in here that is useful. I’ll leave you with this: after Mars finishes transiting Cancer this early spring, it will enter Leo and this will be a Mars return for you. It will also be the tail end of your nodal reversal. It could be nice to spend some time with yourself on the events of the last two years, especially the events of summer 2022, just to see if you know anything now that you didn’t know before. I hope you have a wonderful Saturn return and Mars return.
