The first thing that comes to mind when I think of how Scorpio is seen from the outside, because I am also thinking about how I read Scorpios as someone who is not a Scorpio, is something that I always wonder about Scorpios. This is the question of—what are y’all doing with your time??

I’m not sure about you but when I get to know someone, I feel like I can get a pretty good sense of how that person might spend a usual day based on their affect, things they like to talk about, or things they’re interested in. You can kind of tell who probably spends all their time working and who seems like a morning bird or who likes to watch a lot of television. A lot of the time, I’m wrong about these assumptions I make but I still think that I have a clarity of imagination.

I don’t get that with Scorpios. I get a sense of opacity instead. I can’t tell what they do with their time! I don’t feel like I can guess at it either! It’s very hard to meet one and have an imagination about how their usual routines might go. You get the strong sense that they keep a lot of things private. Scorpios really just don’t want people to be all up their ass about things like this so they don’t tell you a ton about themselves unless it’s really relevant.

Anything that a Scorpio shares with you, it’s because they really do want to share this information with you. They’ve thought about it. They’ve put time into this as part of their own process for figuring out their ethics around sharing and vulnerability.

This brings me to my next point about how Scorpios are seen from the outside because I think that, if you’re been into astrology for any length of time, probably already know that Scorpios are private creatures and that they like to keep an air of mystery. My next point about Scorpio is that they invite you in.

I think that the barriers that a Scorpio may put up around themselves are often overemphasized in pop astrology. Those barriers are fun to talk about but they don’t really define a Scorpio because no one is really defined by their defense mechanisms. The shell of the Scorpio doesn’t define the beast and neither does the poison tail.

Scorpios are warm. Scorpios are a water sign and water signs are warm signs. Scorpios don’t really use coldness in the same way that air signs or earth signs might. Sure, they might withdraw for a while but, if they care, then they’ll come back. Sometimes we mistake a Scorpio coming back as a revenge ploy. That’s not really what it’s about.

The most fundamental aspect of revenge isn’t getting even or winning. Scorpios may direct their needs into a revenge fantasy sometimes since they are Mars ruled but the desire that creates the need for revenge is rarely satisfied through victory. In the most fundamental sense, revenge is about coming back to someone. It’s about returning to the past, back to the scene of the crime.

You see, Scorpios are just as nostalgic as other water signs. They’ll walk through the scene of the crime not to find the culprit or to solve the puzzle but to simply spend time in a place where a past self once stood. They’ll come back to the scene once everyone else has left. They’ll take their time walking through and they'll retrieve every last one of their memories.

The warmness of Scorpio is also expressed by that feeling you get when you’re around their presence of just being invited into their world. Scorpios are curious about you and they make that curiosity known. Scorpios ask you the best questions about what you do, about your dreams and ambitions, and about your innermost life. When you talk with a Scorpio about something that you like, they’ll ask you why you like it so much and get you talking about things that you never thought you would talk about.

This is the other thing about Scorpios—so, it’s hard to guess their daily routine or figure out how they might spend their time. That’s not the defining quality of a Scorpio. I think the defining quality of a Scorpio is that a Scorpio is someone you can spend hours talking to, someone who you have memorable conversations with because they’re willing to investigate a curiosity thoroughly alongside you.

Scorpios are warm. They invite you in. They get you excited about yourself. Their curiosity holds you.

This is the difference between Scorpio and other fixed signs such as Aquarius. All fixed signs are somewhat interested in costumes because they’re able to materialize their personalities into physical objects and reproducible styles. You see that with Scorpio too. Scorpio loves costumes. They might have a thing for masks or disguises or wigs.

But Scorpio doesn’t just create barriers. They also invite you in.

This is funny because a lot of people who are not Scorpios may complain about the relentless drive to know that carries a Scorpio through the world. Sometimes, getting asked questions by a Scorpio feels like being put on the spot. Their questions are too good and they make you feel naked.

Again, Scorpios don’t just put up barriers. They also invite you in and they uproot barriers also. They make you feel vulnerable around them. They, too, feel exposed and seen around you because they are so, so sensitive underneath that shell.

A Scorpio isn’t usually trying to interrogate you because they’re trying to throw you off. A Scorpio gives off the air of holding an interrogation for one reason only—because they are afraid that someone will ask them a question that will take away their privacy. This is a bit like how some Cancers give and give and give because they freeze up when they are put in the position of receiving. Scorpio is hungry for attention and, yet, they can get terribly scared when they are offered the attention that they want and need to grow.

What they’re scared of isn’t really the feeling of being exposed. Scorpio likes being teased. They’re not so brittle that they can’t stand a bit of prodding. What Scorpio is really afraid of is that attention being taken away again before they’ve really figured how to even accept it.

The best way to play with a Scorpio is through the art of the tease. Scorpio really just wants to have fun. They want to be provoked gently, to be teased for their seriousness. They want to be tickled into sincerity and into giving up rigidness. They want to learn how to love through daunting play.

Teasing is about gentle gestures and soft touches that make someone want you more and not less. It’s a game of promises and timing. It’s about delayed satisfaction and promised satisfaction. Most of all, teasing is about expressing and proving boundaries.

Scorpios don’t just put up barriers—they learn self protection and playful boundaries through all sorts of processes. Putting up barriers is one of those processes. Exposing one’s own soft underbelly is another. Holding one another close, releasing a stable hand, and giving a heartfelt gift are other ways of exploring playful boundaries. Scorpio does all of these things. They put up barriers, they express their sincerity, and they also hold other people close.

Being a Scorpio is really about navigating the sense and the illusion of control when it comes to the space between you and I. This is why Scorpios are sometimes hedonists and sometimes ascetics. They are attracted to the ornate as well as the minimal. They learn how to go without so that they know what it’s like to want more. Being a Scorpio is about having creative power over the game of desire.