Trigger warning: If you find stories that analyze food portions activating, please reconsider reading this article. This article is based on the antics of two queer couples who love to eat and who love to joke about how we eat to each other. It will satirize the social dynamics of sharing food.

For those who don’t know, Mars was in Cancer for a long moment starting from 1992 through to 1993. That means that half of the people born in those years will have Mars either retrograde or direct in Cancer. Much of the culture of millennial-gen z cusp people is colored by Mars in Cancer energy.

Since I was born in 1992, I know a lot of Mars in Cancer people. I have Moon in Cancer. This means that I have had the chance to observe several Mars in Cancer and Moon in Cancer relationship dynamics. I am a Cancer Moon dating a Mars in Cancer. My best friend is a Mars in Cancer dating a Cancer Moon. This is what I have observed.

The most obvious point of disagreement between Mars in Cancer and Moon in Cancer people is the pace of eating. Mars in Cancer is a competitive eater. They like Matt Stony. They like binge eating content where eating is not just a meal but a sport. Mars in Cancer people like to gorge themselves with meat and then lay around on the floor drinking pineapple juice because they’re having a hard time digesting it all.

Moon in Cancer is the complete opposite. Moon in Cancer people like to savor our food. We like to store the cookies that our grandma gave us for years and years, smelling them now and then to bring back our memories. We like to keep the pickled vegetables that we can’t get in the US in the fridge forever because the taste of that vegetable is the taste of our grandma’s cooking.

This creates two sets of issues. First of all, Moon in Cancer has a hard time getting enough to eat around Mars in Cancer people. Whenever I eat with Mars in Cancer people, I have to advocate for my portion. I often go hungry. “Please, can I just have one third of the seaweed snacks,” I beg my partner who has Mars in Cancer. They tense up. I can see them do it. They agree but then they start keeping secret snacks in their room.

When I eat with Mars in Cancer friends, I typically only get a small portion because I eat more slowly. Before I can finish that bowl, the food is already gone. If I want more, then tough luck to me.

My Mars in Cancer best friend has the same issue with their Moon in Cancer partner. The Mars in Cancer always uses the big bowl for noodle soup but the Moon in Cancer partner always wants to save some soup for another day because soup is comforting and it’s nice to have some available in the fridge. But the Mars in Cancer sabotages this plan by slurping up all the soup immediately. If the Moon in Cancer person uses the big bowl, then the Mars in Cancer will go for the mixing bowl which is even bigger.

This issue of sharing only shows up when Mars in Cancer eats with Moon in Cancer, when the competitive eater of the zodiac eats with the one who likes to savor our food-memories slowly. It’s not an issue amongst Mars in Cancer themselves. When my partner eats with our best friend, both of whom are Mars in Cancer, they sit around happily bragging about how much food they get to eat and order more and more meat plates to go around. After they finish eating, they will then start happily bragging about how much they got to eat and how their stomachs are bulging and how great it all feels. They text me and tell me about how they are breaking out in cold sweats due to how much they have consumed with relish and glee. They call these sweats their “meat sweats.” Meat sweating is their hobby and they indulge in it together with unrestrained joy on almost every special occasion.

I’ve gone for hotpot for my Mars in Cancer partner. “How many meat plates do you want?” the waiter asked us.

“We’ll take one of each,” my partner responded. I sat up in shock. The waiter fell silent. There were nine meat plate options available. Nine plates? For just two people?

The waiter hastily added, “we will fine you if you don’t finish your food.” This was an all you can eat place.

My partner blinked back. I saw that they weren’t going to say anything. “We’ll take two,” I said quickly. “The beef and the pork.” Satisfied with the normal portion, the waiter nodded in relief.

Only after the waiter left, did my partner speak again. “I could have easily eaten nine plates,” they said confidently with an innocent look on their face. “Why did you stop me?”

Have you ever been to a hotdog eating competition? There’s something monstrous about treating eating as an athletic feat. But people do it. Mars in Cancer does it. And there is something that Mars in Cancer finds gross about Moon in Cancer people too. I’ll outline it now.

The second issue with Mars in Cancer and Moon in Cancer relationships is that Moon in Cancer likes to store food for way too long. Remember those cookies that Moon in Cancer saved because the smell reminds them of their grandma? Those cookies went rancid years ago. The smell is actually off but we don’t notice because our memory-mind is not our logic-mind. The salted vegetables have started to mold. The time for eating them has long passed.

When this happens, Moon in Cancer usually starts to cry. We were using the food to grieve our memories in the first place and, now, the passing of the food marks that final goodbye. Mars in Cancer doesn’t cry with us. Instead, Mars in Cancer is frowning.

“If you told me that the cookies already went bad, then I would have gotten fresh cookies at the store to enjoy. I didn’t know that we don’t have any edible cookies,” Mars in Cancer accuses in frustration. They are not thinking about the scent of the long lost cookies and about grandma. They are thinking about how they had been planning to snack. What are they going to eat now? Are they expected to go hungry?

Both Mars in Cancer and Moon in Cancer care a lot about security. Cancer is the sign of the home. However, Mars and the Moon take completely different stances on how they seek security. Mars in Cancer feels security when they consume food and store energy in the body. Moon in Cancer feels security when we save food and feel like we have enough to eat later. Mars in Cancer sees food as a battery that expires under a certain time window if not consumed quickly and Moon in Cancer sees food as a precious recollection that must be protected from the passage of time. Mars in Cancer is urgent and Moon in Cancer is nostalgic.

Food is energy. Mars in Cancer likes to take in as much energy as they can at once. They usually describe food in terms of texture, in terms of mouthfeel. This has to do with how easily food might slide down the human gullet.

Food is also memory. Moon in Cancer likes to keep it around like a scrapbook. We usually like to describe food in terms of scent and association. Even when food starts rotting, we often don’t notice because we only smell the scent in our memories and not the scent in front of our faces.

The absolute worst case scenario for Moon in Cancer is when Mars in Cancer eats our special food that we were saving for memory’s sake. I remember when my mom gave me cookies. I was saving them as a keepsake but, when I looked in the box, I realized that only three were left. My Mars in Cancer partner had eaten almost all of them without me even being aware.

When this happens…big upset. Moon in Cancer gets big upset. Special food can’t be replaced because the memories attached to them can’t be replaced. We didn’t want our memories to expire. We wanted to keep them.

The absolute worst case scenario for Mars in Cancer is when they feel like they are forbidden to eat or that they don’t have enough to eat. One should never forbid Mars in Cancer from freely eating as much as they like. If you try, then big upset. Mars in Cancer gets big upset. They start eating more and faster to feel more secure. Mars in Cancer is always intensely aware of those who eat faster than themselves because they see those people as competitors who are trying to rob them of needed energy. And when it comes to food competitions? Mars in Cancer is born ready to compete, born determined and open mouthed. They need to make sure that they get enough.

My word of advice to Cancer Moons who eat with Cancer Mars—advocate for your nutritional needs. You are a person too and you also need nutrition. Say that. Say, “I am a person too and I also need nutrition.” I’ve had to say this. My best friend’s partner has had to say this. Say, “You are free to eat as much as you like but I also need to eat my portion even though I eat slower. Please leave at least a third for me.” Advocate for your portion. If not half, then at least a third. Say, “I didn’t get to eat any of the vegetables this time because you ate them all.”

This is the only way. Other options include splitting meals 50/50 upon serving. Not eating family style. You have to stand up for yourself and make your own plan. Food can be a battleground. We feel the most disgust and love in our lives through food.