I’m just going to come right out and say it. I love a woman who likes to be in control. There is nothing sexier.

It’s weird. There’s all of this grifty macho culture stuff about self control, discipline, whatever. But when you look at content that is created for people who don’t identify as men, particularly in the wellness space, you just see all this stuff about releasing control and surrender.

I think that’s fine. Obviously, broader culture is obsessed with self control with all of its puritanism and workaholism. And that’s sick. But I also wonder. Why is there much messaging aimed at women about giving up control?

Giving up control over what? Your bodies? Your relationships? Your social reality?

I see it in the astrology space particularly around delineations of the water signs. Pisces is about going with the flow. Scorpio is about surrender. A lot of people say that Cancer tries to seize too much emotional control. But why? The water signs are related to emotions. Why is there so much stuff out there about control when it comes to the world of emotions?

I understand that there’s a bit of history between feminism and rage. There was a moment in the nineties I think when feminists were very into the idea of the political becoming personal through personal rage. Rage is a funny one. Rage feels like losing control but I think that it’s actually about wanting more control.

But I feel this when I talk to people too. Ever try telling a female friend that she tries to control her life or relationships? I’ve noticed that, when you do this, people tend to disavow their control particularly if they are young. “Oh, I do have control issues.” “I’m very controlling but I try to not be.” “I need to learn how to let go more.”

But why? You live in a world where lawmakers are trying to take control from you all the time. You can’t even control your own healthcare. You are denied control over where you live because you have to center employment in every aspect of life. Interpersonally, some men will try to control you because a lot of men are taught to derive pride from their own agency and control.

There is something about control as a concept that is so off putting to people that we sometimes have a physical reaction to the idea of possessing it.

I think that, if you switch out the word, then people are more willing to accept control over their own lives. What happens when, instead of using the word control, we use the word responsibility?

I think that responsibility works as a semi-synonym to control because we can only take responsibility over what we have control over.

You try to take responsibility over your life and in your relationships. You have responsibilities in society. You can choose your own responsibilities. You are fighting to try and take care of the things that you feel responsibility over. Sometimes, responsibility is an ego trip. You might not have as much as you think you do.

The reason why we try to take responsibility for, try to control, things is because we care about things. You’re not going to give enough of a shit to try and control anything that you don’t really care about. Yeah, sometimes our sense of responsibility is misplaced. We get obsessed with our own sense of heroism. That’s when responsibility becomes an ego trip.

There’s so much messaging out there that is telling us not to care. Don’t catch feelings. Don’t get worked up. Mind your own business. There’s also so much messaging out there about letting go of control.

And control can be about ego. As an Aries, I don’t understand why everyone is always trying to get rid of their egos. You’re going to have an ego no matter what you do. You’re going to have a sense of pride about something and you’re going to sometimes suffer embarrassment because you have a little pride. That’s fine. It’s not the end of the world. You know how to laugh at yourself, don’t you? You can get over it.

I think that people are afraid to care because we’re afraid of embarrassment. We’re afraid of losing control so we try to adopt this concept of surrendering all of it as some kind of anti-ego identity. But the lesbian in me is smart. The lesbian in me knows that there is nothing sexier than a woman who likes to be in control.

Why? Because control makes you decisive. Control means that you move through life as though you know yourself. Maybe you’re really a fool and you don’t know yourself at all but you act as though you do because that’s the only thing you can do. Having an ego means that you live under the delusion of thinking that you understand yourself. That’s all you can really do because, yes you are as mysterious as water, and, no, you’ll never have everything figured out before you make your choices.

People who own their desire for control make me feel like they really care. In an honest way. If you are always trying to give up control, then how are you reliable?

So, here’s to controlling women. You are hot. I say women because I’m into women but I’m also into other kinds of people so—here’s to controlling people. I don’t know if this is advice or my own horniness speaking but if you are someone who likes to have control, if you are someone who gives a fuck, if you are someone who cares about your responsibilities, then feel free to celebrate that a little. This article is just for fun. I may just speaking on my own personal desires here.