Leos have a big stereotype. Leo Sun is the Sun’s Sun. Leo is domicile Sun—the king. Kings are supposed to be a certain way and, if they’re not, then they’re supposed to keep it in hiding.

Stereotypes about Leos have a little to do with how all of us feel about children, about our own childhoods, and about those who need attention in order to feel loved. We often blame Leos for wanting attention as if doing so will make it a little easier for us to play it cool. Stereotypes about Leos go like this: they’re too big, too loud, and they take up too much space.

Not all Leos are loud. There are some very quiet Leos. Not all Leos have big personalities. Some Leos are incredibly subtle. Not all Leos know how to take up space, to exist, without apology.

I have seen Leos try to perform up to expectations, giving and giving, and complimenting and complimenting, because a lot of the stereotypes about Leos also speak to certain assumptions that we make about what it takes to feel loved. We think that we have to be a certain type of beautiful to be loved, that we have to be gregarious, and that we must never get tired.

Leos get tired too. Leos are exhausted most of the time, I’ve noticed, from organizing the barbeques, from welcoming everyone in, and from carrying the conversation.

I think that a lot of non-Leos are scared of Leos, which makes Leos scared of themselves. It takes a lot of power to exist as you are and Leos are just as scared of their own tendency to embrace themselves as the rest of us are. But terror is also excitement. Leos are excited to be themselves. This is what throws people off.

If you don’t feel like a stereotypical Leo because you have a quiet voice, because you don’t have big hair, or because you weren’t popular in high school, you’re not the only one. If you don’t feel like a stereotypical Leo because you worry too much about your friends, because you’re serious about the things that you care about, or because you like to be alone often, you’re not living life wrong.

The biggest stereotype about Leo is about arrogance. However, I have yet to meet an arrogant Leo. I have met Leos worried about acceptance, as Leos are wont to do, and Leos who try to make friends with all the people who don’t fit in, as Leos tend to do, and Leos who listen carefully. I have met Leos who are unsure, who hesitate.

Leos like to play. I don’t think this stereotype is wrong but I think that there are as many ways to play as there are people. This is another part of Leo stereotyping—play stereotyping. Play is synonymous with capitalist leisure, which tends to treat leisure as expenditure. This is why Leo sometimes gets categorized with our tropes of materials girls who shop and designer handbags that hold a lot of flash but very little meaning.

Play is not expenditure. Play is far deeper and far richer than that. And, so too, are Leos because Leos live to play. There is silliness to play but there is seriousness too. Play can be a part of grief work and play informs us what is important to us. I have met Leos who believe that they’re not a stereotypical Leo simply because they are complex and deep as if pleasure cannot possibly be complex or deep.

Play also brings a childhood emotional body, along with all of its memories back to us and, this, I think, is part of why so many are afraid of Leos. Leo is not afraid to be a child and they are angry for any childhood at all that they may have been deprived of. None of us are taught what it means to really like children. Children are not useful, they don’t work, and they play a lot. None of us are taught what it means to love someone like that.

Not being a stereotypical Leo is like not being a stereotypical child. There is no one way to be a child and all of the stereotypes that we have of children are more about blame than nurture. If you’re not a stereotypical Leo, if you don’t play by buying flashy things or going to the club, then you’re still practicing deep play. You are allowed to play however it is that you like.

If you are a stereotypical Leo and play with your voice loud and your head held high, moving like a king, that’s okay too. You don’t have to rein yourself in just so that you have less presence. Sunlight is most beautiful when it beams but also when it hides, muted, behind a gray sky. Your play is meaningful when it looks shiny but at those times when you feel the need to practice it in private.