Welcome to my Astro Advice Column! If you subscribe to my Astro-Kats or Star Kids Club groups you are able to ask me questions about astrology for this advice column.


hi Ace! i have saturn conjunct venus in aries in my 7H, i'm a libra rising so i've read that my chart ruler would be my venus. but my love life is..... not so great! and it feels "scary" that these are in detriment/fall. i've had few but very long relationships (longest being 8 yrs and i'm 24) and I feel I have a tendency to lose myself in other people completely. i also have lilith exactly conjunct my rising in libra at 17deg. I don't know much about Lilith other than the biblical stories so if you'd have insight on this too i'd appreciate it! i've been told I can be domineering even though I don't necessarily really feel that way, and I think I have a hard time letting go of the things I love. for reference i'm a gemini sun, moon & mars, taurus mercury, aries venus&saturn. I don't know if my lesson is to learn to be patient with relationships or to know when to leave? the dance that saturn and venus do in my chart feels like saturn is always asking me to be patient, but then my venus and all the aries energy wants me to run away to something new. and as a gemini I already feel too much of a pull because in my head I can see both sides of the situation, which feels like a gift and a curse! thank you so much!

—the dance of saturn and venus


Can I just say one thing before I get started with the astrology behind your wonderful question? I want to say—there’s nothing wrong with being domineering.

Here’s to all of the bossiest lovers, the ones that make the rest of us flush because they command hope and desire out of us. Here’s to the lovers who tell us exactly what they want, what they want us to do for them, and what they want to do to us. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being domineering. In fact, it’s very sexy!

That’s Venus in Aries in a nutshell. Venus in Aries tells people exactly what they want. They never misdirect and they don’t play games either. Venus in Aries thinks that they look particularly good that day. Do they hem and haw, trying to indirectly earn a compliment? No! Venus in Aries says, “Look how good I look today!”

When in doubt, Venus in Aries will go the extra mile. That is, if they like someone. If they don’t then they will make it perfectly clear. But in Venus in Aries likes someone? They will walk ten miles for that person. That’s why Venus is considered to be in detriment in Aries. It’s working very hard. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Venus in Aries has the reputation of quick seduction and quick exits but this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, Venus in Aries sticks around because it makes its relationships choices for itself. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to play and then leave as long as communication is happening. There’s also nothing wrong with preferring long term relationships.

I wanted to say all that because I wanted to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you desire whether you identify with being domineering or not. The way you desire is just another part of you.

Now, conjunctions of Venus and Saturn in the natal chart usually mean that we take relationships pretty seriously. I hear from you that you have already been in a eight year long relationship and that you are only twenty four. I hear the Venus and Saturn in that experience. You know commitment and you have learned dedication in those eight years.

You have the Gemini stellium. This keeps you curious. You might be curious about a whole bunch of people. You have the Aries Venus and Saturn. You like that rush of new energy in life. You also have a Mercury in Taurus. Communication is tactile and slow. The Gemini keeps you curious and it gives you the agility to build your personality and love style with versatility. You can be many people at once, as many as you like.

What else do you want to learn about yourself and your desires? Are there any dynamics that you are eager to try out? Any that you know you do not want or like? I hear that push and pull with your deep patience and your mischievous curiosity! You have Venus in aspect with Saturn and you also have a Gemini stellium. It’s up to you to figure out how to honor both, how to honor all parts of you.

You are free to try anything that you like. Go for it. You have already done so much work to understand your patience and it sounds like you’re trying to understand your shifting curiosity. You probably learned so much about yourself in that eight year long relationship. It can take just as long to build a relationship with a part of yourself that wants to come out and play.

I know what it’s like to come out of a super long relationship. We’re left questioning all kinds of things about ourselves. Were we really the person we were in that long relationship? What has been feeling inauthentic for too long and how do we relearn how to express our needs for our own sakes and not to communicate them to an ex we are used to relaying around?

But you got this. You know how to do this—how to do this work of getting to know yourself. There’s also nothing wrong with the way you might desire or not desire.